Much is often made of the way Mormons view sex. It is often treated as one of the worst of sins. I think this can be puzzling to non-Mormons, and many Mormons, who see sex as an expression of love, regardless of marriage. It is commonplace to view an impulsive (or planned) acting out of desires with a boyfriend or girlfriend, or even a stranger, as natural, or at least, not that big of a deal.
This is something I've been thinking a lot about over the past few years as I've thought about my own mistakes, harm that has been done to me by others, and my relationship with God. As part of this process, I have re-conceptualized "sin" for myself as "actions that lead to emotional pain in oneself." Of course, there are things people do that lead to pain in others as well, but I believe that these "sins" also hurt the people who commit them.
From this point of view, yelling at my husband is sin because it harms my soul (as well as his). Forgetting to pray is also sin because it pulls me away from God and that harms my soul.
The Atonement is the great act that has made the Lord capable of healing these wounds we have caused in ourselves (or have been caused in us by others). Repentance is needed because its steps are the precise steps that lead to emotional healing.
When I hear: "The Lord cannot look on sin with the least degree of allowance," I might have formerly imagined God as a strict judge, sitting in court, bringing down His gavel and condemning me to Hell. From that perspective, I might have wondered at the unfairness of rejecting me when I had so many good acts in my life but simply made one mistake one late night with a man one night when I was hurting from loneliness.
But now, I re-interpret that harsh-sounding phrase to mean: "The Lord cannot stand for any of us to feel even the smallest amount of emotional pain." Instead of imaging God as judging me, I see Him as longing to heal me. I see Him as hoping I will stop the action that is causing me so much damage, because it hurts Him to see me hurting.
As I think over my life and what has caused me the most pain, I have to admit that it relates to sex. My longest-lasting and most painful wounds surround memories of others harming me, or me making mistakes, with regard to sexual actions of some kind or other. In my case, sexual acts have caused me more emotional pain than any other trauma or mistake in my life. These wounds are where I need the most healing, and therefore, the greatest application of the Atonement.
I don't mean to suggest that sexually-related trauma or mistakes worry me most because I think they will send me to Hell. They harm me most because they harm me most. Hell is the pain I'm feeling due to their harm. God's counsel about sexual boundaries is given to prevent us from feeling this pain. Guidelines about intimacy aren't random rules put in place just because He says so.
For some reason, sex is an area that can cause us more pain than most other acts, if engaged in inappropriately. I don't claim to know why that is the case. I believe that it may have to do with things that happen on an emotional level with that level of intimacy.
If sex were a "sin" simply because God puts in place rules for His own benefit (or for random reasons) instead of for our own benefit, if the only consequence of inappropriate sex were that we might someday stand before the judgment seat of God and find ourselves condemned, then there would really be no reason not to act however we choose and then repent later, maybe even on our deathbeds. There would be no reason not to have casual sex with a variety of people until marriage, and then repent and get on the right road once we have the luxury of a convenient, sanctioned, partner. If casual sex were like parking in an illegal space and risking getting a parking ticket, then why not just do it and pay the price later? It isn't hurting anyone.
If instead, having inappropriate sex is more like consuming a little bit of poison every day, if it is something that harms us, even if to such a small degree each time that we hardly notice it (or begin to consider the unpleasant sensations we feel as normal), then delaying changing our ways and beginning the process of healing is destructive. It may be a crime with an ongoing victim--ourselves.
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